K1's Thoughts...

Flagrant

2012-01-06T23:22:00.000-08:00

You know that situation you hit where you start to realize that it's some things you're never destined to get?

And there are experiences that make it evident, that regardless of alignment of dark and light, wrong and right, it's going to hit?

I mean, you do everything for the positive, right? And still get screwed over and left with a black eye?

Well I'm at the point now that when life swings with a right, I duck and uppercut at it's eye or it's jaw with a metal pipe..

Not fighting fair anymore, I give a damn about the score. Every person that crosses me I'm leavin' them on my floor. I'm angry and so flagrant, probably end up sayin sone stuff that I'll regret when they play me back on tape and it's crazy that people say that they can't see me this way. I say that's repercussions of the decisions you made when you said that you'd remain but instead chose to go astray, and you expect me to just suck up all the piss like it's ok...

I mean, you pissed away the relationship like you were Kelly (lol), and it's puddles everywhere, you had a heck of a field day. I gues you're playin the field while I'm the n*gga playin slave... I guess it's true what they say, every dog has it's day.

....I thought that just went for males, but I forgot that females qualify for that folk talk as well, so what the hell should I say to make it better? I used to avoid liquor but I welcome it with open arms like a greeter in a vest...

I'm not saying I'm depressed, but I know my joy's silently dwindling, whatever... it's just a writer's diary... And I still feel the hatred, but not because of her, but because of the fact I've somehow become so flagrant...

Idea...

2010-10-16T01:33:00.000-07:00

...How about I just start posting the REAL music I do over here?...

Anything that's rhythm/word related will go here.

Let's see how this turns out.

Light Up...

2010-10-10T14:22:00.000-07:00

...still not sure if I'm actually going to record this or not. lol. Since I haven't updated this in a while, figured I'd drop this off for some wack rapper to steal... lol. Wrote this to the "Light Up" instrumental from Drake/Jay-Z. I got stuck on Jay-Z's verse with a couple of lines...

"I'm not as cool with these niggas as I once was... I once was cool as the Fonz was, but these bright lights turned me to a monster...sorry mama I promised it wouldn't change me but I would've went insane if I remained the same me..."

Line hit home with me. Made me want to write. This is what I wrote about an hour ago.

*Kanye shrug*

_____

...come on, I don't think people under/
Stand where I come from, people ain't the type to lend a /
Hand unless they want somethin, they lay out their plans to get /
Ahead, but its easy to just see that they all frontin /
...I don't need intuition to tell me that /
Most of the people in my circle is wack to the /
Point when I got my T-Mobile contract, I /
Couldn't even fill up my fave five contacts /
I'm stuck at three, and truthfully that's probably /
How its gonna be until this writin takes off for me /
I got a plan.. but my fam don't /
Seem to see I need more time, they don't understand /
But for now I'm workin my ass off /
At my job hearin my co-workers ask off /
Puttin more work on me, and I'm stressed so I /
Have to bite my tongue to keep from tellin their ass off /
Cuz if I did, then I know they'd fire back then /
Id get fired for chin checkin their glass jaw /
Bein nice is overrated....../
......sometimes I can't take it /
Truthfully (no mickey factz ) I don't see /
How I'm gonna make it unless I start gettin mean /
And vicious like that Lupe group-ie so /
I'mma stand over everything I see with kerosene, /
Gas and a match, people make me frown cuz /
They just light ya goals up just to burn your dreams down/
No worries, what goes around comes around.../
I guess I'm karma's replacement, so hit the f**kin ground.../

......)V2(......

Now my conscious got the best of me /
But f**k that, I refuse to let them get to me /
My mind playin tricks on me.../
To the point that now I'm second guessin, see /
The people in my circle's got me bent out of shape /
so I just x out the squares because they seem fake /
I'm always there for them, they're never there for me /
Basically, their priorities are other things /
Then they get offended when I mention /
That they're the cause of most of my stress and tension /
They start sendin subtweets on twitter but they /
Won't adress me in person or in my @ mentions.../
The one person that knows me the best.../
The one girl that spiked all my stress.../
Because she promised she wasn't like the rest and had a /
Lapse of judgment to let her ex get under her dress /
And it bothers me to death, I get no rest /
I'm on vacation and still see im-a-ges /
To the point I think about it when we're alone /
To the point I cry about it whenever I'm zoned /
I just want my peace back, but my thoughts won't /
Leave me alone, I don't know how to react..../
....So I just put it in song.... /
I forgive all....I forget none.../
But I'm not worried about the dark, light'll soon come...

_________________________________________

Peace

2010-06-14T00:43:00.000-07:00

I never post here anymore. Wrote this like 5 minutes ago, but it's so basic, I don't really like it. Eh.

~~~

When it all falls down, who do you call now? /

My phone’s not broken, no need to redial /

You out of my life now, the thought gives me a smile /

Then it turns upside down as I realize how /

Bad you must need me to think of me to call /

Especially after I said don’t bother me at all /

Then I look at the phone, compassion takes over /

The situation’s appealed to my one fatal flaw /

I wish I could say it’s when girls with big butts /

Walk by on the sly I stare too much and that I /

Long to touch, But it’s much much simpler /

Than that, on everything, I care too much /

I wish that I could throw my morals away for a day /

And say that I don’t give a f**k and mean it, ok? /

But it’s obvious to me that and easy to see that /

My sympathy will possibly be the death of me /

But here’s to hoping that eventually /

I’ll get tired of it all and long to live drama-free /

Which means basically me and you can’t be /

Friends or associates, it was never meant to be /

And even if it was, it was only temporary /

It was only for a season, im done tryin to please /

Everybody around me, I’m doing me /

And I’m doing better than you’d ever believe /

So I just picked up to tell you what’s up/

And that I was serious when I said I needed peace…

But this is the last time I go back on my word /

This is the last time I allow you to disturb /

My actions of getting back on the right track /

Without the drama, remember we tried that? /

Completely overrated, so this is the last try /

To make a friendship work, or I’m saying goodbye /

Because I refuse to let you back into my life /

If you’re just gonna violate, don’t wanna make that mistake /

Again… I just answered to tell you how I feel /

And you probably don’t feel like making that deal /

I guess this is release so you know I was bein real /

when I shot you the deuces and said I needed peace.. /

So it all crashed down, and you need some peace /

I told you it would happen, you didn’t believe, so don’t call me…

"My Best Friend"

2010-04-07T17:35:00.000-07:00

It's hard for me to start this one.../
I figure I'll just share my heart this once /
People say I'm aimin' too far for once, but /
if I miss I'll still be among the stars with some /
clever ideas that I feel are God-given /
I gotta make it, people wonder why I'm driven, but /
it's innate man, some'll understand how I'm feelin' /
and it's that reason I'm livin the way that I'm livin' /
Never was a druggie, never popped pills, and /
never spoke about lifestyles I never lived, and /
never scrutinized someone for their opinion /
Whether it was spoken, whether it was written /
Regardless what I say, my words always gets twisted /
Even when i write, people always misinterpret /
even with perfect penmanship, I'm sick of it /
Always being the guy that's stuck having to fix it.. /
...But I feel like today it stops /
today's the day i tell people to go kick rocks /
Or go and jump off a cliff, hit themselves with a brick /
Slip and trip and faceplant into a bottomless pit /
But each time i say that ish, my morals kick in /
And i can't bring myself to hurt these so-called "friends" /
Then the cycle begins, and then it cycles again /
and then I'm back writing my thoughts with my pad and my pen /
Because i make the foolish mistake to try and depend /
on these so called friends who have no real in - /
terest in me unless I'm interesting /
Now it's easy to see how shady people can be /
I ain't talkin Eminem when I said people were shady /
But I relate to him when he writes, so maybe i'm crazy /
for leavin my emotions open hopin' for better days /
and I get screwed over everytime, I'm in a daze /
No...this can't be life, I'm in a play /
And everybody's watching me fumble around on stage /
Me and the Director's never on the same page /
But God know's my heart, so I still give God praise /
Maybe that's what separates me from them /
They rely on conniving, I rely on Him /
Him being God, God gave me a pen /
I put the pen with my pad, the best friends I ever had /
Most reliable too, because they always listen /
Always loves for me to open up and spill my business /
Encouraging my writtens, that gives me life /
I spill everythiing on pad whenever I write /
And even though I rant and I rave in spite /
of everything, when I'm finished writing I'm alright /
So feel free to judge me, cuz I run to my /
pen before a friend, I'll easily do it again /
Until I find someone I can depend... /
My journal's probably my best friend...

K1ng Eljay

AngryManRap

2010-02-14T19:42:00.000-08:00

This is the sound of a young black male /

Who could really give a f**k about an overpacked cell /

Brainstormin ways for him to break into jail /

Contemplating mean schemes as long as he can pay bail /

Raise hell, do tell, fortunate like Maxwell /

To be living so well, laptop’s by Dell /

TV’s HD, living in 3-D /

But his life is Imax, everybody can see /

The h-u-r-t that flows freely /

So he doesn’t hold it in, doesn’t even try to be /

Something different, never claimed to be a G /

But his life plan’s changed, just so happened recently /

That he decided to stop being nice to other niggas /

And stopped holdin his tongue concerning his wish for bigger /

Figures, he knew he was the pick of the litter /

He came with the poop scooper cuz he knew he was the shit, uh /

So he got cocky and way more arrogant, uh /

Made his wrist rocky, dared someone to stop he /

Haters tried to copy, he just pointed them out and /

Said they were lame and told them to stop jock-ing /

People tried to reason with him, but he ain’t have no reason /

He just got tired of takin their shit… /

He got tired of waitin for his season… /

So he decided to take his gifts /

No more playing the background, the scene just changed /

Wealth to himself now, he could make it rain /

Told nobody, everyone else just complained to the /

Point where he debated just blowin out their brains /

Sounds kinda drastic, but this dude here was /

Tired of getting his ass kicked by these stupid bastards /

Then the script flipped in his mind like gymnastics /

He was the man in charge, turned psychotic…like magic.../

Three guns, two hands, extra clip for half of em /

Contemplating craziness that you can’t even fathom…/

The type of craziness to turn people to phantoms /

Happy to Pervert the imagination that God had grant him…

This nigga was pissed off, ticked off, ripped off /

They must got his whole style backwards, Kriss Krossed /

Past the point of melee, rather spray and blaze Ks /

Be happy we’re different and that’s not how I was raised…

~~~

Random. Felt like writing something different. This will probably scare someone, lol. Hopefully not though.

#Okbye

K1

Press Rewind...

2010-02-02T21:09:00.000-08:00

I wrote this to a song, actually. But since I probably won't ever lay the vocals down for it, and basically....I don't want to.... I'll just post it here. lol.

Press Rewind

I'm not a rapper...I'm a writer with mine /
It just so happens that all of my writing's in rhyme /
The message is clear for your ears, the rhyme's are sublime /
They're heavensent, it's evident when you listen to mine /
Metaphors so descriptive they give sight to the blind /
By the way that I describe the inside of my mind /
The way my pen, pad, thoughts, and feelings align /
Is kinda like crack; it get's more addictive in time /
Read my notebook, dopeness is in every line /
Open it, see what you find, my rhymes are acquired /
taste, it's great, the words are polishedm the flow's refined /
Kinda similar to the process of aging wine /
Matter of fact its easy to get a buzz off my rhymes /
like it's wine, I think it should come with a warning sign /
I ain't lyin', I'm tryin to change everything /
While y'all keep droppin' dimes... If you ain't get it... /

Press rewind...

Entry #43..

2010-02-02T20:56:00.000-08:00

(So basically, I got this black book...all of it's in rhyme...blah blah, I've told you that before. It's almost full now, so I have to number them to remember which one is which... anyway...this one was kind of random...not gonna lie...lol)

Entry #43

I'm slicker than oil grease, deeper than ocean reefs /
Cleaner than dentist' teeth, amazingggg with four Gs /
It's completely easy to me, simple as 1-2-3 /
...easy as transmitting a case of S-T-Ds /
That you got from the Philippines , O-M-G. /
You rolled over on top of her like an A-T-V /
While ya friends encouraged your idio-cra-cy /
Like it's Superbowl Sunday on N-B-C /
Via HDTV, makes me think /
how come it looked good to you from your P-O-V. /
So drunk and wasted you couldn't say your A-B-Cs /
She threw it on you till you had to beg "Ba-by Please!" /
And then you finished and passed out, straight to sleep /
Woke up in the morning, like "how can-this-be?" /
Forgot to strap up? You were too bu-sy /
Wondering how in the hell you could just go and O-D. /
And this is basically a danger of choosing to cheat /
On your love-ly..wife and your three /
kids that you had, all back at home hap-py /
It's even sadder that you don't even feel guil-ty... /

Sounds like half of the guys I know, easy...
Guess that's that... this is the end of entry 43...

K1

Zoning...

2010-01-25T22:35:00.000-08:00

Sitting on the couch next to my bro-in-law...kind of got to randomly zoning out on some other stuff...heard Drake's "Lust For Life" instrumental in my head, grabbed my phone and started writing on my note application (Android..not iPhone..lol). This is what came out of it, I guess.

~~

Zoning...

I got a lust for life...I got plans.../
its not exactly in the palm...of my hand...I'm just sayin'/
I know this sounds crazy to you..but please understand../
I'm honestly doing..the best..that I can.../
I think I'm making a mistake.../
How much more of this I can take?.../
Everything seemed so great, its../
Like all of my dreams have deflated/
I see myself growing old with you... /
But suddenly I feel myself growing cold with you.../
Don't bother me, I won't bother you...
Maybe this is something that we gotta do.../
Break up to make up../
I just need to say what.../
Exactly I want from you.../
And inside you know its true.../

Then on the other hand, I'm feelin everything about you /
And I wonder to myself how could I ever doubt you /
Self-conflicted, I don't need a witness to /
See i'd be so, so lost without you../
So what am I supposed to do? /
Honestly I don't know.../
Sometimes I want to talk, but instead/
We have to text, and sometimes the feelings don't show../
I know I'm an expert with my mask on /
But I do it so I don't have to blast on /
Anyone that can pressure my emotions /
And I guess I'm sayin that I'm really hopin.../

I guess I'm hoping she's the one for me /
I'm not used to happy endings in my stories /
Except for the ones I used to write, but I'm /
Writing this one in real life, so I gotta make /
Sure...that its right...for me...and its f**ked up because i/
Know...eventually...she's gonna see...this post and it sucks because.../
I could be overreacting.../
And I probably am..../
But I'm just tired of acting.../
Like I probably am, damn.../
Because suddenly I think that she's falling for me/
Way deeper than I can imagine.../
Funny because originally it was all me.../
But...that's what I wanted, see?.../

...but is it bad of me if /
I can't see the things she sees, honestly? /
...all of the details, I can't spot.../
And its racking my brain up, nonstop.../
because I used to see it.../
Now, sometimes, I can barely believe it.../
No way it can be, there's something /
Else, I think it may be something wrong with me.../
I'm turning away everything I love.../
Working away my sweat and blood.../
And tears at a job that I can't stand.../
Because I don't want to quit, it'll make me less a man /
I'm not myself...that much is obvious.../
But its only one person that can help me.../
But I don't know how she can.../
I guess I'll have to open up and see.../

All of this stuff doesn't even make sense to me.../
I hate the thoughts that assail me when I'm zoning.../
Maybe for once I should just worry about me.../
There's a double meaning when I say the word "peace"...

....watch as people take this out of context and overreact to this. Smh.

This Can't Be Right...

2010-01-04T17:52:00.000-08:00

Yeah…

So here I am, doin’ the pad and pen thing again. Sitting here reminiscing of times when things were better than where I am now… granted it’s better than where I’ve been, but to me sometimes it seems the bad dreams know no end. I’m playin Nintendo Wii and I can’t even pretend to be happy for the sake of happiness for all my kin… See, they draw on me for inspiration…Unknowing to them, I’m stressing situations…

How the hell am I gonna make it as a writer? I’m even kind of a fighter as long as the cause is righteous, but now to me it seems the only one fighting is me... Everyone I fought alongside blindly leaves…

And here I am swingin’ at 50 people by myself but then they happen to come back whenever I get some wealth…Or even something to offer, so I tell em get off my d--k and let me breathe, please, the fakeness is something that I Can’t let bother me, but you can see how my spirit grieves every single time a person I’ve invested time into leaves…

They change seasons on me… it’s somethin’ Similar to the way trees shed leaves, but now I see 20/20, see, they’ve always been funny… Laughing behind my back whenever they thought I looked bummy and crummy but now they see I got potential and now they’re trying to son me and “one-and-done” me by saying s--t like “Oh he was a son to me…”

This can’t be right…

~~~~

Look at me… emotionally I’m all f--ked up… mom’s is all f--ked up, Dad’s all f--ked up from killin himself drivin trucks. My sister’s all f--ked up, so she moved back in the house with us even though half of the reason we’re all f--ked up is because she decided to leave without helping us catch up in bills…

Lets be real…I feel that’s kind of f--ked up..

Almost lost my job because I couldn’t balance work and school…Loan collectors came at me, they all threw the blame at me thinking I was purposely withholding dead presidents when honestly I was feeding them to my parent’s residence… People at College tellin me I’m going to get a blessing that’s heaven-sent for helping my family out when my siblings couldn’t/wouldn’t pay the rent…

But I’m the one strugglin’, living off of Panera pastries… lol..but stressin like a mug though, so I’m still losing weight. Everything was buggin me, food started to lose its taste and Mom’s worrying about me because she couldn’t tell if I ate…

AND THEN…

And then my sister has the nerve to ask me… “Hey, what do you want to do for your birthday? My brother’s turnin 21! 21 on December 8th! We’ll take you out to get a drink or three, hell it’ll be great!”

I only recall one detail about that fated day…I zoned out and prayed that my problems would go away. That was my birthday wish, instead the dream faded away and I woke up that afternoon to see the sky’s lined with grey but I’m determined to have a blast…I’m bumpin my OutKast…just as I get on Twitter to hear about the bombs over Baghdad… Irony…

This can’t be right…

~~~~~

I got friends, but they seem to me to be all fake. If they’re not, hey, great. If they are I can’t say I didn’t spot them in the grass as they tried to sneak up and bite my ankle or my ass… but whatever, that’s in the past.

I’ve outlasted the haters, been sarcastic with fakers and gave everything in hopes of finding a taker that’ll care when I speak and care about my grief… Even if it seems pettier than a Soulja Boy beef or if it seems simpler than that A Milli beat…actually I had given up on finding someone for me…

Then I got a gift from God in form of a tipsy text, Wrapped around a friendship complicated by distance…But I noticed every time I talked, the girl listened and every time she called or Skype’d me with her face glistenin’ from tears because of a trifling nigga that wasn't even a nigga, but regardless I couldn’t pull the trigger and cut her off quick like I did the other chicks because her crying was legit…

…and she sounded like me… Emotions got deep, I’m trippin like how can it be that the only person that understands is over 2000 miles away on the other side of this computer screen? We read each other perfectly, we don’t even have to say what it is we have to say because actions speak louder. I opened up to her completely and suddenly she allowed herself to be exposed to me emotionally and uncontrollably…

And then we finally meet again, introduced her to my next of kin, she did the same thing, it was almost surreal, similar to a great dream because it seemed so perfect. I guess there was someone who walks this earth’s surface who knows what my worth is… Someone who wanted me for me and for what I could be, and not because of the things in my environment that I was trying to leave… And we talk constantly, I know it sounds hella suspect but nonetheless I could care less about what you think… I got somebody that understands…And vice-versa…

I can’t believe how perfect we fit, there has got to be some type of loophole, or some kind of string attached… and it was…how in the hell does it take 2000 miles of distance for me to find a perfect match…

This can’t be right…

(That's my brain dump for now... lol.)

K1ng Eljay

The Interview

2009-11-27T02:34:00.000-08:00

I sit down with my journal in my right hand under the bright light as a lady dressed in all white asks me…

“Can I write?”

I almost laughed.

I wiped off my black Nikes and slowly began to gripe. I don’t think they understand the effects of my plight. Lady, I can’t even relax or go to sleep at night unless I write to relieve stress in my life by somehow ranting about wrong and right…doesn’t even matter whether I’m wrong or right… I been doing this my whole life, and my whole life’s been stricken and smitten with sorrow and strife but in spite of the mess in my life, somehow I still manage to spin my problems in a positive light...

She asks me “Is that right?” Well I don’t think it’s wrong. It’s my personal truth, I’m surprised it’s not my theme song, although I make beats and rhythms in my head all day long and spit vicious punchlines custom-made by my design. And my design comes straight from the inner-sanctum of my Mind, and my mind says my lines are fine, but… something I’ve realized well over time is that people think I’m crazy when I begin to pen my rhymes…

She asks me “So why do I write?” Did you really have to ask? You ain’t seen what I’ve heard. You ain’t cried how I laughed. You’re not living for the future, you’re just living in your past and that’s why you have no real presence, and that’s really just sad.

She didn’t understand the answer, so I told her to sit and maybe in due time she’d understand what I had just spit… The way her thoughts were derailed told more of the tale.

You think I’ve gone mad? No I Think you’ve gone mad because all you see is bad and all you read out of context are the lines on my pad that bleeds from my pen until that particular train of thought ends. I call it a writer’s cycle, not un-similar to the one you go through that puts you in a pissy mood.

I could see the offense on her face, so I quickly went into what I had to say and told her that for me it happened every couple of days. I just sit in my room, thinking of how to pray To God for Him to help me and show me a better way of escape and I expect to hear something, but really all I hear Him say is “Write..”… so I write just in spite of all of the drama surrounding me, my friends, and my family in my life…

She asks me if I might be overdoing it… That’s a good question, and even if I was, I honestly couldn’t prove it or stop myself from doing it. I guess it’s my own personal drug, but writing’s better than me deciding to empty slugs or initiate a violent rivalry with a thug on the block until cops stopped the shots. Or added to them.

She looks down to ask me another question, but I knew the next one and I beat her to it stating that I might need me another outlet soon, and I’m aware how many people are clueless when it comes to doing this thing of writing… but I’m talented, and I plan to use this one until it’s useless…

She nods and stands up asking is there anything else she needs to know…

My sarcastic self responds “Am I free to go?”

She leaves without a word, although I gave her several…

I picked up my pad and pen and started to write again and for now, this is how the story ends…

Roses (For A Friend)

2009-11-11T01:48:00.000-08:00

*clears throat*... LOL... ok, seriously...

~~~

It’s funny how money can change a situation /
Any miscommunication can lead to major complications /
Whether across the US, or wherever we’re stationed /
You don’t have to be great at Stats to figure the equation /
Every time I wake up, it’s like every day, some /
Random tragedy happens to people to erase them /
Rio De Janerio, Ft. Hood, Orlando /
Even the honorable honor student in Chicago… /

It’s sad, but I can see that maybe it’s just me /
That’s thinking long term, when maybe I need to be /
Focusing on the good things in front of me /
Even though maybe my life isn’t where I want it to be /
Slowly but surely, it’s like I can see /
How God’s been watching out for me behind the scenes /
It’s something I’ve taken for granted, but there’s nothing like /
A nightmare to realize you might be living a dream /
Because on paper, this never could’ve happened /
It’s technically impossible, highly improbable /
Completely illogical, but seemingly unstoppable /
The way we became friends, to me that’s how it seems /

I can’t even remember how our first conversation went… /
But every night I remember how the last one ended… /
I have no idea what I’m going to do first when I /
See you, but I know it’ll be time well spent… /
I don’t know every single thing that makes you mad /
But I just pray there’s nothing old that you resent… /
You know, from last dudes that came and went /
The situation sucked, but I think the outcome was heavensent… /
I say that, because you handle yourself so well… /
And I love saying in you I’m confident… /
Not to mention we feed off each other’s emotions /
If I’m happy you’re smiling, when you’re sad then I’m wiling… / (you know, mad. Lol)
Granted, we’re complex as hell, maybe deeper than oceans… /
But to me, I prefer that, it’s kind of our unique styling… / (you know, the way we’re made. Lol)

Don’t know if this makes sense, it might not make cents or /
Dollars either, but I just want my words to register… /
We been through so much, and sometimes when emotionally /
I couldn’t walk, you were right there to be my crutch /
Technically impossible… highly improbable…
Especially when I mention I’ve never even felt your touch /
But you have no idea how much you helped me /
And sometimes it seemed like I didn’t talk much… /

But you understood the reason to my silence…

It’s funny, I had a nightmare an hour ago /
I startled awake and I had a new email in store /
Usually in blogs I refer to her as “just a friend” /
But now… there’s no way I CAN’T think of her as more /
Because most of the time, we think the same /
And she had no idea I’d been having the same train of /
Thought… especially the last couple days /
To the point as I read her words I felt dazed /

The saying goes “Give your roses while they’re breathing” /
Because in life we never know when someone’s leaving /
And the last thing I want is for part of my grieving /
To be because I didn’t say something to them they needed /
To hear, so here, I got a BIG F**KIN BOUQUET /
Of roses to hand to Akilah someday… /
But for now I guess this will have to do /
Because although you’re so far away, no one understands me quite like you….

~~~

As a friend, I love you. I couldn’t see myself without you. Honestly, I don’t think I’d be as level headed without me having somebody to rant to sometimes. So… Regardless of what happens....

You’re kind of a big deal. So deal with it… :)

Everything else…I’ll say in person in a few weeks…

King Eljay

Writing

2009-11-09T13:32:00.001-08:00

Just did this in 10 minutes... I hate when I'm trying to sleep and I can't because of random rhymes stuck in my head... maybe y'all don't have that problem, lol...

I’m writing, when will that stop? This time my mind’s /
focused on this laptop, what’s on my mind this time, I’m /
Wondering what’ll happen if I choose to stop writing /
Wonder what’ll happen if I chose to stop fighting /
The thoughts that I have sometimes about giving up /
But see, me personally, It’s harder getting up /
The courage to just stop, to let the pen drop /
Leave the words unfinished, don’t worry about leaving a /
Lasting image of what I’m trying to illustrate /
But the call’s too great, these words are like my crack rock /
I can’t stop, not until I move through my stress and make /
Progress, not until somehow I see the top /
The top of what? I don’t know, but I have to get it /
Because if I sit and wonder about what I did or I /
Didn’t it’ll eat through my soul like It’s acidic /
I don’t know if you can relate, my mindstate is different /

But if you take a second to listen then maybe you can just /
Envision how it would feel if you’re placed in my position /
It’s like the world’s rushing me, the problem’s blitzing /
And all I have as defense are the words that I’ve written… /
And so I write more… and then more still… /
Slowly but surely, I begin to get a feel /
Of exactly where I am, how exactly to progress /
And what’s the next step to get to the end of the field… /

When I write, I can distinguish the dark from the light /
Not to be lame, but when I write I can see wrong from right /
So in spite of all of the drama surrounding my life /
Concerning bad friends again, I just fall back on pad and pen… /

Now. Nap. Lol.

Check me on twitter @ www.twitter.com/K1ngEljay...

In My Sleep (Part Two)

2009-11-08T21:23:00.000-08:00

In My Sleep (The Preface) <---- Read this first.

In My Sleep (Part One) <---- If you're still interested, read this second.

In My Sleep (Part Two)

In my sleep I was spazzing out… /
This girl told me things I couldn’t believe
The things coming out my mouth… /
I asked her “what are you talking about?” /
She said, “You made all kinds of crazy /
Sounds, and you kicked me down to the ground!” /
I nodded, “I heard everything you said, but /
What are you doing sleeping in my bed?? /
I’ve told you I’m celibate for the hell of it” but /
She said “That’s not what you said last night..” /
I paused, “That doesn’t sound right” and she /
Responded “Last night you ain’t wanna be right.. /
Matter of fact, I promise I wouldn’t lie, the only /
Reason I tried? you said you wouldn’t put up a fight… /
I’m like “That doesn’t even sound like me… /
I’m not like that, I’m different, see?” /

She explained “It was a favor to me. See /
I wanted you to go half on a baby with me /
Because I can see that you’re so trustworthy… /
And other dudes they’re not so worthy…” /
I said “That doesn’t make common sense!” She said /
“It made sense to me, that’s why you didn’t wear a condom…”
I wondered where all of these ideas were /
Coming from, I knew that I didn’t spawn them /

She said “Stop playing, man! You know last /
Night was fun, tonight we should do it again..”
I couldn’t believe this had happened to me /
How the hell did I get caught slipping… /
This still doesn’t make sense to me… /
I turned to her, “Explain this to me.” /
She said “Last night, when we met in the club /
You admitted to me that you were in love /
And I told you that I didn’t want to love another /
Thug, and you were like ‘what?’ and I was like /
‘yeah’ and I wasn’t drunk or buzzed or /
Wasted off of the alcohol or smoking any Bud… /
That’s how I knew it was destined /
So I told you not to wear a glove.” /
I flipped out, “You act like that justified it!” /
She shot back, “Last night you were so excited… /
Last night it was so exciting, remember? /
You told me to jump on and ride it…”
I looked at her in disbelief…
Because I KNEW that statement didn’t sound like me /
I said, “Look, I don’t hit the clubs or /
Admit stupid s**t when I’m rollin’ bud… as a /
Matter of fact, I don’t even smoke! /
And I’d never tell a lit just so I could poke.” /

….Suddenly she got pissed off and /
her pleasant conversational tone switched off /
She got to cursin’ and screaming at me /
And started to resemble a demon actually… /
She started try and degrade me to the /
Point where it made me think maybe /
I’m failing to approach the situation logically /
To the point I felt dazed, like I just got beat/
By beat, I mean tired and restless /
I told her that she wasn’t going to stress me /
She tried to speak, but I cut her off and said /
“There is NO WAY that this can be.” /
The she got angry, reached and grabbed something /
And then began to swing it at me, screaming /
“You’re not going to leave me!! /
I’LL KILL YOU IF YOU DON’T RAISE THIS BABY!!! /
I jumped out of the bed and didn’t even notice /
my legs were still sleep, almost fell on my head /
Everything I touched I could feel.. /
Something was wrong, but it felt so real.. /
I said “Something’s wrong, I feel your pain, but… /
Tell me why I can’t remember your name?”
She suddenly grew more violent, but /
I couldn’t tell because the room fell silent… /

I could still see her wildin’… /
Her mouth still running 100 miles an… /
Hour, but my stomach was sour be /
cause I know morally I don’t have the power /
to throw my ambitions away, so I told her /
“Look, I know what I did, ok?? /
But I know me, and you’re lying to me… /
As a matter of fact, come closer so I could see- /
But suddenly the room erupted, loud /
Somehow it seemed like we had garnered a crowd, that’s how /
Loud it sounded, suddenly I couldn’t /
Hear anything compared to how my heart was pounding /
Without a sound, I feel the ground start breaking /
And I can’t keep myself from shaking /
And I can’t keep her hands from grabbing and /
Shaking me, “What’s wrong!? ANSWER ME!!!” /
I tried to answer to her face, but I /
Couldn’t even stay calm to keep my voice from breaking…

And all I could think…
Is that I know me...
I’m not a male ho, so this /
Has to be a dream…

Maybe In God’s grace, I somehow shocked myself awake /
Grasping for a breath, perspiration on my face /
Thanking God I ain’t make mistakes like that /
I’d rather live it in my sleep…I’ll just leave it at that.

~~~

King Eljay

In My Sleep (Part One)

2009-11-08T21:21:00.000-08:00

In My Sleep (The Preface) <--Read this first.

In My Sleep (Part One)

In my dreams I have crazy visions /
Sometimes that don’t reflect my way of livin’ /
I get irritated in this particular dream /
I do things that don’t seem like me /
Some people say that I’m crazy, but /
I disagree, that’s the way God made me /
Maybe it’s not meant for them to understand /
Every single thing I write out with my hand /
So a lot of times I hold it in, or I just /
Make private what I say with my pen /
But lately I’ve been kind of spacey /
Thinking about what if I decided to flip /
Heard Jeezy say on the radio the other day /
“Times got a humble nigga thinkin’ bout gunplay…” /
I’m not a nigga by any term of the curse but /
I can completely relate to what he was tryin to say… /

Then I hear about the Ft. Hood shooters /
…And the Orlando high rise looters… /
That night I fell asleep, and in my /
Dream somehow that turned into me /
Was it a twisted fantasy? No way.. /
See, me? Reckless I could never be… /
Then my dream started to disturb me /
I became more thorough over time, see… /
I started remembering more details about /
How I sent every hater to hell… /
And although we all know it’s wrong, half the /
People reading this want me to tell… /
But I won’t. It’s crazy how it happened /
How in my dream, I resorted to gun-clappin’ /
Some people’s outlets are rappin’, but /
In my dream my outlet was trappin.. /

…But I didn’t realize livin /
That kind of life would leave me trapped in /
…But then more details fell in and /
I started to remember what type of glocks I shot /
My dreams became like an extended rap song /
And I lived in that dream all night long /
No crew, I did it all solo /
Because I had the talent to strike fast and lay low /
In my dream…I’ve did it before, but every /
Time I broke a promise not to do it anymore /
But I didn’t care, I lived for the moment /
I didn’t share profit, it was all mine, I owned it /
To the point where some street cats dressed in all black /
With gats came to distribute my atonement… /
They all left, but the bodies stayed on my lawn /
It didn’t matter any longer who was right or wrong…

Then I went inside, the dream continued to carry on /
My best friend’s screamin, “What the hell were you thinkin’?!?” /
I see the sun reflecting off the .44, gleaming /
I remember seeing the barrel still steaming /
But seeing him didn’t halt me, now I’m just fiending /
To be a death dealer, opposite of a healer /
I needed it, needed to feel the gun spit /
There was a surreal feel to being a steel peeler… /
His life was on the line, he’s the bait, and my .44 was the rod reeler /
Bullets entered him, he couldn’t tell if what he felt if it was real, or /
Fake… didn’t matter, the bullets vacated /
The gun, which forced his air to escape /
He fell, then stood again, in shock from being rocked /
By his best friend, but he couldn’t respond, it’s too late /
He should’ve shut the hell up, now I couldn’t let up /
Threw a few more shots at him before he could retaliate /
He exhaled his last, the last shot blasted him /
Backwards as he crashed through my table glass… /
A phone clattered from his hand… someone was /
On the other end, now I needed a plan /
It’s a matter of time before they found the body /
Adrenaline pushed the negative thoughts out of my mind /
To the point in the dream I was out of my mind /
Crazy and blind to the carnage I left behind…

I reloaded my gun with more ammo than necessary /
If I fired all of this, it’ll kill an elephant /
How appropriate, since now I’m an animal /
I’m a beast now, I deserve my own channel /
I heard knocking at the front door, I slid out the back /
To my black Caddillac that I jacked, grabbed the Mac /
Out the trunk in the back, I could run and that’s that /
But to me that wouldn’t be any fun… /
Ran into a mutt in my backyard, I /
Kicked it in the nuts just to get it to shut up /
Heard an officer scream at me to just give up /
That thought didn’t cross my mind, so I lift up /
My left arm in fake surrender… /
Then I donated three shots for him to remember…

It felt so real, I felt unstoppable as /
Hell when it came to firing my steel /
Another cop started chasin’ but he turned the corner /
Felt a few shots and face-planted into the pavement /
The next cop shook in fear and amazement /
A split-second later the look on his face was /
Replaced with him wondering where his grace went… /
There was none shown, I ignored his pleading statement… /

Suddenly I felt the ground shakin’ /
The concrete around my feet started to break, and /
I looked ahead of me, spotted a kid in a blue hoodie /
I shot at him twice, he dodged twice, he was too good, he /
Didn’t speak at first, didn’t utter a word /
Somehow in my soul, every word was heard /
He said he could understand me, he honestly could feel me /
But he said it was in his best interest to kill me…

“Kill me?! Nigga, you a damn fool! /
Class is in session, don’t make me take you to a damn school /
You sound like a class clown, but really you’re a class fool! /
Never challenge me unarmed, I have a damn tool!”
I raised it, blazed it, once, twice, three times /
He stood unfazed, it blew away my mind /
Suddenly my eyes shifted, I’m seeing red /
He said “You shot yourself,” but I didn’t believed what he said…
Then I felt something warm on the side of my head /
I fell to my knees, suddenly aware and scared /
Suddenly the only thing that mattered to /
Me was getting enough strength to gather /
Myself, thinking, “I can’t rest, no not yet /
There’s at least two more cops I owe shots around the block…” /
That boy in a blue hoodie opened a black journal /
And said “Just give me a sec, you know, to interject… /

“The differences between me and you are pitiful /
You chose guns as a way to garner residuals /
I choose to use syllables to keep me cool /
Even when stressed I abstain from using a stainless /
Grabbin a gun would only make me brainless /
And it’ll basically invite death to my doorstep /
I can’t go that route homie, I’m too blessed /
I’d rather kill you myself, so let’s put you to rest… “
I stopped him, “This can’t be real, I’ll chill /
I’ll fall back and you can write since that’s how you feel!” /
He said “No….we’re the same…you can’t see?” /
Suddenly I realized that that kid…that kid was me… /
He said, “You keep me awake with all these crazy dreams /
Remember, you almost killed me when I was 13? /
I’m ending this now, not a day later /
I’ve been waiting for the day to return the favor…”

My body grew colder, I trembled and finally /
Fell over and landed on my right shoulder /
I tried standing, but it was like I was being held /
Down by a boulder, the dream was finally over /
….And that’s how it had to be /
Writing became my way instead of choosing gunplay /
So inside of me I knew I had to kill my anger /
To keep myself from getting into any type of danger /

Then I woke up… my sheets were off the bed /
Pillow was over my head…some girl falling out of my bed…

To be continued...

In My Sleep (The Preface)

2009-11-08T21:17:00.000-08:00

I'm halfway scared to even post these. I can't explain the way I think, or the way I used to think, so I won't try. Just know a couple of things before reading these.

1) I'm fine.

2) I'm not about to go psycho.

Seriously, drill that into your head before reading these, because it's a different tone from anything else I've posted on here. Pretty much...

I can't explain it really. The creepy thing about this though is that I wrote both of these at two different times. The 1st one is actually the second one I wrote two days ago. The 2nd one is the first one I wrote about 3 or 4 months ago before I started this blog.

Or something like that.

So.... yeah.

King Eljay

Worry...

2009-11-02T22:29:00.000-08:00

Just wrote this... pretty much an account of my day and the things that's been going on kind of. It's just...yeah.

~~~

As I get home, as the night goes by /
Emotions surround me, as I fight not to cry /
I have one obstacle left before I let it go /
Gotta get past my mother, can’t let her know /
Although deep down she knows I can’t let it show /
I don’t have an option, can’t let the tears flow /
I walk in, I ask her how she feels…/
She bombards me and tells me about the bills… /
And how it feels to struggle with no end in sight /
So now I’m trying not to break my character /
Because I want to cry with all my might /
But as far as my character, I’m not an amateur /
I do this all the time, and people don’t notice /
Inside I’m screaming, outside I’m calm, focused /
People ask, I give them advice that’s potent /
But inside, I’m struggling not to feel hopeless /
So I break free finally, it’s just me /
I close my door to the prison I feel I’m roped in /
Emotions are warring, my friends are fighting /
The only solace I find is writing… /

So as I sit in my darkened room /
With Microsoft Word on a 2 page zoom /
And tests in the morning and stress tied to mourning /
Not to mention the hurt from relationship longing /
Because I still wonder if our decision was wrong, see…/
Bills tryna crowd me and friends tryna doubt me /
My parent’s health declining, my work situation /
Changing so drastically I’m contemplating resigning /
And work hiring new people to try and fire me /
…It’s easy for me to forget how to breathe… /
….One step at a time /
It’s therapy to me to write these lines… /
And as great as that sounds, not /
Even writing works for me all the time… /
Even though I’m always in a hurry /
The only thing that fits into my schedule is worry… /
And every time I seem to get a grip /
Extra weight gets added, and it seems to slip /
From random text messages from suicidal friends /
To parents breaking down because of lack of ends /
I shove my problems to help with their discouragement /
Whether it’s fam, friend, associate or girlfriend… /
Usually my poems have a happy ending process… /
But I can’t close this, because it’s still a work in progress…

Inner Issues

2009-10-23T10:14:00.000-07:00

I really don’t know how to feel… /
Skeptics say I’ve forgotten how to feel… /
Friends say that I don’t act real… /
To be honest, I feel like a 3rd wheel… /
Or 5th, or 7th, whatever…
Or any other phrase that seems clever… /
I guess I just have it in my mind over /
Time that eventually things will get better… /
I’m mad that I even wrote that.. /
Because right now, it’s just hard to hope that.. /
I literally spill all of my emotions into a /
Pad with a pen, I sometimes wish that it wrote back… /

So I listen to music, and just black /
Out for a while, just to get my mind on track /
Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t… /
Sometimes I wonder why exactly I wasn’t… /
But I was, and I am, and I’m still here /
So it’s obvious to see that I have a purpose /
I’m not saying that I don’t have fears /
There’s a few, but I’m more inspired by why I’m on this Earth’s surface… /
Around people who think that they’re worthless /
Putting all their hope in me, as if I’m their golden key /
…to a better life… they want me to reach millions /
And I just want to find me a better life… /

But I can’t see ahead, it’s the dead of night… /
I’ve been this route before, so I know it isn’t right…/
But I need motivation to find my light…/
And there is yet another reason why I write…/
Because for me my obstacles aren’t a test, more or less… /
Man, my biggest enemy is my reflection…/
So I’m asking for help to deal with me, and for /
God to weed out my friends, I can handle my enemies… /
Stop me if you’re not feeling me, but /
Something that I’ve never ever claimed to be was a G /
So I’m back to relying on HE, because I /
See that I can’t last without G.O.D.

~~

King Eljay

No (Last Resort)

2009-10-23T10:01:00.001-07:00

Only one verse, but it's...something. lol.

I remember being the guy that no one said hi to /
Now I'm the same guy that girls don't wanna say bye to /
They give me a number to call or text, then they /
Hit me online sayin "They don't like to get lied to" /
But that they forgive me, and that I should slide through /
but read between the lines and you can actually see she means /
she wants me to come over to slide into...
Not gonna finish that, that's not what I aim to do /
I'm aiming to stay cool, that's not what you wanna do /
You want me to come through 'cuz I'm what you wanna do / (haha)
I'm WHO you wanna do, I'm not the dumbest fool /
The legs are spread, those I don't wanna get into /
Now she's callin' me names so she can mess with my brain /
...That had a double meaning, in case it ain't come through / (LOL)
Saying I'm a chicken ignoring the game she's spittin' but if /
I'm a chicken, she's a bird, so I guess I just flew the coop /
I guess in short, the flirting's sort of a sport, but /
this is my last resort to try to get through to you.

NO.
~~~

The End.

*snaps*

Or something. lol. Later.

King Eljay

Train Of Thought...

2009-10-21T21:13:00.000-07:00

Yo, remember that lyric from Eminem:

"I used to give a f**k, now I could give a f**k less /
What do I think of success, it sucks, too much press, I'm stressed.."

(go to the 0:48 second mark. The flow from there to the minute mark..that's what I'm talking about. He curses, warning. LOL)

Well...That line was stuck in my head. The pattern of it was... I followed my train of thought, so most of this poem has the same rhyme pattern of that... Anyway, it's random, but here you go...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Train Of Thought

I used to really care... now I could give a care less /
What do I think of stress? It sucks, too much, yes /
Ramble in my head, overwhelms my damn chest /
To the point I can't rest, it makes me upset /
Parents always tell me that soon, I'll be blessed /
My response: "You can't bless me with what you don't get" /
I never voice my thoughts, it'll just add stress /
I'm completely tired of this, I just want rest...

I used to not care...now I care too much /
I recount each touch, each kiss, this just sucks /
I'm stuck in this rut, i'm spilling my guts /
And I think it sucks you don't give two f**ks /
I love you so much,, you don't even care what /
happens to us, see, you want to give up /
Girl I've never slipped up, lied, or fibbed up /
Nothing else matters to me baby, just us...

I used to give a damn, now I just feel damned /
All my emotions are jammed, emotions are slammed /
into my main frame, like I'm going insane /
Out of my brain, in there, everything's rammed /
What else should I do? I feel so confused /
I dont know what to do, I feel so used /
Emotions abused, left here with no clues /
of how in my mind I can somehow just regroup...

I'm used to being spited, now I'm just being spiteful /
About to catch a damn case, where'd my .38 go? /
My family told me I should be grateful /
Because I'm gonna be great, but what am I going to be great for? /
I consider life sometimes to be a big race /
I'm enjoying the journey, others complete for first place /
But it's to the point no one cares about what I say /
So I'm gonna pull out this here and let the lead spray...

As I read these lines, that I write in rhyme /
I do this all the time, on job, or on the grind /
It seems all the time, this goes through my mind /
To others around, it seems i'm just fine /
Others try to relax, they sip on white wine /
to hide their pain, but deep down they're just crying /
I don't hide my thoughts, I write to clear my /
mind of the excess stress in order for me to rest....

I get to the point... where I'm just pissed off /
People got me ass-backwards, like I'm Kris-Kross /
I express emotions that get deeper than oceans /
But hater's play Free Safety, so my thoughts get picked off /
Can't read my emotions...no they never cross /
my face, I'm a silent timer, you can't tell when I'm /
ticked off, until it's too late to vacate the place /
Yet another reason to write, I have to stay straight...

Man... What a stressful day... /
The type to have a Christian boy contemplating gunplay /
But instead he pulls out the pen and pad /
...He'll choose wordplay over gunplay /
on any given week, from Monday to Sunday /
He may jig and kid around but working wise /
He doesn't play, his ideas more Giant than Andre /
Some people say that he has a crazy mindstate /
because he goes thru mental cycles, like his mind menstruates... / (haha)
He's ahead of his time, but his mind never inflates /
with pride, he's seen the results with his eyes /
of how great men and women with pride have died... /
So he movies silently, in complete confidence /
that soonpeople will stare at his life in astonishment /
And soon thereafter, they'll see the accomplishments /
to the point when they say that I'm crazy, it's a compliment...

But this isn't something that's taught /
It's just one of those times I've followed my train of thought...

~~~

Yo, favorite line: "Some people say that he has a crazy mindstate /
because he goes thru mental cycles, like his mind menstruates... /

Ok, so I'm kind of feeling myself on that line, lol. But it's dope, so yeah.

Later.

King Eljay

"An Introduction..."

2009-09-19T08:01:00.000-07:00

This is the introduction to K1ngEljay.com. Been working on it for about a week. Had it almost done, got knocked out of my writing zone, came back two days ago and finished it, changed some stuff. You know...writer stuff. LOL. Guess I can post it here SINCE this IS my poetry/spoken-verse/rhyme blog, right?

~~~

Psychotic… that’s the term people think of when I express /
My logic… the way I intelligently speak, rave and stay /
On topic… no time for beefing with other persons /
No time to listen to complaints about how their conditions worsened /
See, I write what I write, expression’s the way of my life /
In the dark it’s my light, I write to relax when it’s night /
I write despite the drama surrounding my life /
I aspire to write the words that inspire to fight /
Too many times people try to cover ignorance /
With intelligence and whenever you try to tell them this /
They get belligerent and outspoken, so now it’s evident /
They wrote without thinking, basically for the hell of it… /
But see, me commenting doesn’t make me different /
It’s when I move through actions you can see that I’m serious /
When my ideas spill, you see these lines are heaven-sent /
So maybe you can see exactly how I plan to deal with this /
Foolishness that’s plaguing websites all the time /
Of people never thinking before speaking what’s on their mind /
Typing sentences that contain profane words every line /
And then expecting people to accept the content like it’s fine /
….Baby, maybe I’m crazy…but I think it’s time /
For a change, time for somebody that you can get behind /
Time for somebody who’s words you can quote and rewind /
Everytime he empties into newspaper or online /
Whether it’s a review, short story, or some kind of rhyme /
I want it to connect with you, like your ribs connect with your spine.. /
It honestly saddens me to see that actually /
In reality most rely on factual inaccuracies /
But I promise that if you happen to follow me /
The lies you hear from these other sites? That will never be.

And with that said, that’s all that I have to say /
Welcome to the home of the writings of King Eljay…
…Enjoy your stay…

~~~

I Personally Think This Is Dope. lol.

Later.

K1ngEljay.com

Smiling...

2009-09-01T17:32:00.000-07:00

....so this is how it goes for me.../
Once again it seems I got another sad story /
Well...not sad, more like real life... /
But through it all, I still have to give God glory.. /
I don't exactly know what it is I do /
With every person, i've been nothing but true /
...Maybe a little too true... /
So now I'm messed up again, not sure what to do /
There's no real topic, this is just on my heart /
I've always wanted somebody who liked me from the start /
Somebody I can mutually agree with/
Maybe on the silly tip, but someone i can kick it with /

It seems that it's more distant the more I strive for it /
Looking for someone to fit me, its evident /
Now that it's affecting me so I can't even think/
peacefully, but out loud you'll never hear a reply for it... /
I'm not saying that it'll never happen, but /
I pray to God that He plans on me being alive for it /
So I keep my questions and concerns in my storage /
But the ideas bang against my brain until it turns into porridge...

And soon...here I am again... /
It's like a cycle... got some new friends... /
We hang out for a few, this could get interestin'.../
Situation arises, and suddenly I'm stressin... /
And for me, all of my stores intertwine together /
So my situation changes like bipolar weather /
So whether I'm at work or at school or alone /
Somehow some way it happens, it's whatever... /

Heart's a little on my sleeve, and it pokes out /
Easy to grab, easier to choke out /
I don't love people, I just get involved /
Then emotions evolve and then all of a sudden /
They dont feel nothin' at all, I guess when it all /
falls down, the only one I can call is.... /
Besides God, I guess nobody... /
Most emotions i keep hidden so they dont know about me... /

Unless it's the situations like these... /
I jump all in, I do it with such ease.. /
But at the same time, I keep my emotional distance /
Because I'm thinking 'bout the last person who did this /
Damage to my spirit, it's like someone speared it /
The attacker was schitzo, the real feelings reared it's /
Head and refused to stop till it was dead /
Leaving red, calling herself the female Judge Dread... /

...IT's messed up, I guess I hope for the best /
But as far as fact and truth, I ignore it i guess /
And JUST when I think that's things are what they seem /
the scene changes and everything's revealed to be a dream.../
I guess for me, it's kind of ignorant /
To try to make a current situation seem heavensent /
When it's evident my emotions are irrelevant /
...and that's the exact reason I've remained celibate... /

Lost one girl because I would give it to her... /
Lost another one because I wouldn't do it twice... /
Lost a good friend because I wanted to be more... /
and she didn't until I had moved on...nice... /
One girl turned out to be a whore... /
One girl turned out to be crazy.. /
My last girl, we're friends to the end but /
I couldn't tell if she was real, or if she played me... /

...so I guess it's true what they say 'bout reality.../
The good girls want a dude with a huge salary... /
Maybe not, but I can't even get mad /
If a girl happens to catch feeling for a dude /
And the dude is retarded, doesn't realize until later he /
loved the girl, and she runs back, makes me sad.../
It's situations like that... /
That'll make a good guy turn bad... /

But not me, I'm not the type /
I'm not gonna change at all, I know I'll find Ms. Right /
and she might not be da bomb, or even the hottest /
But I'll be her King, and she'll be my Goddess.../
Some days sunshine loses to rain...
But I've learned a long time ago to smile through the pain.../
That way, you never let them see you sweat /
And after this, I'll never say it again, that's a bet... /

I refuse to dwell on this anymore. That's that. I'm done.

.....

2 Liners... Vol 1...

2009-08-05T20:10:00.001-07:00

My words have power, this just isn't rap /
I told Drake to break a leg, and the dude collapsed /

I told D.F.B to click on a track, and those dudes just snapped /
...and leaned, and rocked, now they stuck in the trap /

I told Mariah to let go of a cannon, I meant Nick but /
She dissed Eminem, and now she might be ghost like the O'Bannons /

I told Kon Artis that he had to trick dudes with his audio recorder /
Next thing I know, he changed his producer name to Mr. Porter /

I told Eminem he'd be ok if in the past he took one look back/
My mistake, it took him 2 years to get back on a track /

I told Lil Wayne some thangs, told him he needed a rhyme editor /
Birdman didn't wanna pay so Wayne just did it his way...

(you know how Lil Wayne says somethin in a rap and then says 'oops I mean' or 'I mean'? Check Ludacris - "Last Of A Dying Breed" for an example)

I told Blackstreet to take a backseat to the Backstreet /
Boys, Instead they declined at the same time...NSYNC..

V.I.C told me he'd do anything for a deally /
He sold out and made a song jackin my style and gettin silly...

"I got Commercial swag", she's confused like 'what???' /
He told the chick he's Slap Chop, she's gonna love his nuts...

I know a hater named Mike, he's always talkin **** /
But I got fists that drop mic's like Sexual Chocolate... (get it? Coming to America?? Aww..)

I'm just random right now. Later. lol.

King Eljay

My Mistake

2009-07-21T23:59:00.000-07:00

Kind of jumpin' between two different scenarios I'm in right now...

Forgive me if I fall to the folly of screamin' "F**K YOU" /
It's basically because I can't bring my brain to trust you /
On everything I want to take my fist and just bust you /
Upside your head until my adrenaline rush is through /
But see, it's not like my problems would affect you /
I know that situations happen in life to test you /
But yet you- wait... I mean I... But yet I /
seem to always end up fighting by myself..why... /

Somebody told me it's because I blaze trails like Portland /
and because my ideas are dope, hella scorchin' /
And because of that some people will take me the wrong way /
And just choose not to acknowledge me and stay outta my way /
And to that I say "They're idiots" and keep moving right along /
But then I stop and look...maybe I got them shook... /
Maybe she was right and maybe I need to sell out /
Go with the flow, ignore my morals and just mellow out /

But see...that's the difference between me and you /
You'll do anything to be accepted by a crew /
You'll wear any jeans, any ring, anything /
And it's crazy to me, because you don't see like I do /
And you're so, so focused on trying to get with them /
To the point you ignore me trying to get with you /
But I guess I'm not important, I'm kind of used to it /
And somehow I'll feel like its my fault, I blew it...

But screw it, as long as I got a friend then I'm cool /
But even my friends turn and make me look like a fool /
So now I'm wondering if I have a friend at all /
Because it's stupid that when I'm stressed, I never get a call /
or give a call, I literally scroll through my call log /
Trying to see through the tears that block my vision like low fog /
And just when I go to send a message and hit you up /
I get another message from someone else who needs cheering up...
And like a fool, I put my s**t on the backburner... /
Emotionally abused, physically used like Ike and Tina Turner...

So FORGIVE ME when I have no one else to turn to /
'cuz you're my last hope, I have no one else to turn to /
And I send you a text, cuz there's no one else to turn to /
Then I call your phone, cuz I have no one else to turn to /
and then I call again, because I have no one to run to /
but you're with other friends, because you like to have fun too /
And I can't even blame you for that, but it's just kinda sh*tty /
That when I'm sad, you're ghost, you're only around me when I'm witty /
Sarcastic and funny, energetic, extremely silly /
And even sometimes in situations maybe a little gritty /
So how does this work again?...No seriously.... /
Because I thought it worked both ways when you call a friend...

But forgive me, I'm probably trippin /
It's probably my fault that YOUR *SS is slippin /
And its crazy how whenever I try to tell you not to trip /
Because somehow, some way you always flip the script /
and say that I'm the one that's wrong... /
...I hear that more times than a radio song... /
And then afterwarrds, you expect me to spill me heart? /
Not to be rude, but you've got me twisted from the start...

Because I don't want a crew, I just want a friend that's true /
And I'm not exactly sure if one is in my life right now /
It's kind of sad right? It makes me mad to write /
But I had to express how I felt before I sleep tonight...
But my mistake for bothering to tell this to you.../
I doubt you'll read this even if I emailed this to you...

~~~

Just in case you missed it, read the first line for clarity. I'm not exactly in a GREAT mood right now... forgive the language...when I'm upset, the language in my head carries over to when I write.

lol, that's how you KNOW somebody's angry, when they're texting/blogging swear words, haha...

I can go to bed now. Night.

In A Perfect World

2009-07-09T23:21:00.000-07:00

Get to it. lol.

~~~

In a perfect world, there's no violence /
No need to distribute moments of silence /
It's my alternate reality so gradually I'll see/
that people are easy to read like Reader's Digest.. /
.....Actually I guess /
that everyone would tell truths, no need to lie (yes) /
No need to spit profane thangs from our vocal /
veins that twist up minds and cause high stress /
All colors are equal, no one hates pink / (lol, i do, but still)
We're all one, everybody's in sync /
Relationship-wise, no one gets "Gone" like NSYNC* /
And we express love, we don't eave it up for you to think /
That maybe he don't, and maybe she won't /
And when we splurge we share the wealth instead of flaunt /
And our families don't need for anything they want /
Haha... it sounds great in my mind... /
Looks good as it translates to these lines /
Sounds even better cuz it flows as a rhyme...

But some'll say I'm a Busta because of my Rhymes / (get it? Busta Rhymes? whoooo. lol)
Sounds unrealistic because nature's animalistic /
The way of nature.... my thoughts, it doesn't fit this /
way of living that I sometimes envision /
It's funny, everything good? We're twisted and /
wonder sometimes why God doesn't listen /
thru the crying, the sorrow, the sickness /
Tears stream, leaves pretty faces glistenin...

...But nah, you want some of that sick spit /
The "chrome to ya dome", "bacon poppin" greasy slick spit /
That "Mac-11 send him to heaven" crazy talk /
That "44 to the legs to make him do his birdwalk" /
That "Sniper shooter shootin for loot" to bob ya head /
That "leave a dude crappin his pants in fear," that "Stanky Legg" /
But see it dawned on me the reason we could never be /
equal and together free from the mental debauchery /
Seems like people have taken a poor environment /
And turned it to a mindstate, forgetting it's just a place /

Some people escape, but then they hang on to it... /
Old connects in the hood, yeah they hang on to it... /
You know...just in case things flip /
Then old friends snitch, and you get screwed over like Mike Vick /
It's sick the way everything good gets twisted /
People think life's a Ferris Wheel, the way our minds spins it /

I guess me thinking aloud made me realize that there's /
no such thing as a perfect world, right now it doesn't exist /
Because I notice that our mindstate's conflict /
I'm about intellingence and yours promote ignorance /
Mine is more heavensent and yours is just beligerant /
I'm focused on "BIG PICTURE" and you're stuck on "pettiness" /
Can't agree to disagree because of your stupidness /
In a perfect world I wouldn't have to deal with this foolishness /
And what's sad is that this "hood mentality's" reality /
And now it's magnified for the masses thanks to Cops and BET /
And I no longer care if everybody gets mad at me, but /
In a perfect world, we shouldn't have to deal with insanity...

...I could easily keep going but it'll only make me madder to see that /
because of us a perfect world is something we'll never acheive... /

...Unless...

We can do better. And we can do way better.

Later.

King Eljay

Twitter
Blog

Where I Want To Be...

2009-07-09T23:00:00.000-07:00

Feeling really...really bad right now, so I wrote this about 5 minutes ago. Wasn't going to post it, but the I remembered...I HAVE A BLOG FOR THIS TYPE OF STUFF!!!

LOL.

Notice: I said the word "damn" in this poem. But that's how I felt when I wrote it (now) 7 minutes ago.

~~~

I elevate my mindstate, so that’s why I grind great /
But sometimes I honestly can’t tell the vine from the grape /
Meaning that my vision’s cloudy, and all of the people ‘round me /
Don’t seem to help me with the problems I try to escape /
I know I have to deal with the issues around me /
But dealing with them makes it feel like issues surround me /
And then they overwhelm me, the issues are drowning /
me with the stress, the silent killer goes to town, see? /

I hold the problems in while I’m at work getting it in, /
Grinding to make ends, hoping that I meet new friends /
That I can begin to get to know and maybe meet the one /
That can help me more than any other of my friends /
I rhymed friends with friends, that’s how I feel though /
I’m different from others, so sometimes I feel like a weirdo /
But not to the point that I’ll change who I am /
Because in all honesty, I could give a damn...

But it’s obvious I give a something… but I don’t really know /
It’s obvious I feel something… but I don’t really know /
But whatever it is, it’s enough to make me entertain /
The thought of losing my brain and just going insane /
Having a couple drinks, hanging all night /
Mix some Ciroc with Vodka, mix that with Sprite /
Knock some shots back, have a hell of a time /
In the morning, I’m good, issues off of my mind /
….nah….never that, I know better /
But me knowing the truth makes it harder so It’s whatever...

I wish to go left sometimes instead of doing right /
But so many people watch me to the point that in spite /
Of everything I’ve learned, I want to trash it all /
But vision is always darker when your back's to the light /
And you can’t see where you’re going if you turn your back /
And before long, you’re completely off track /
Your friends you tried to mesh with no longer have your back /
And then you realize that you’ve fallen into a trap /
And now you’re screaming for God to take you back...

And in all honesty, He really doesn’t have to /
So if I fall and He left me, I’d understand... /
But He won’t leave me, so I won’t leave Him /
And I pray that eventually I can see Him /
So I hope people see in me who I want to see /
And maybe soon, that’ll attract those people to me /
Because I pray the God in me brings the friends I need /
And puts me in the position of where I want to be…

Quick Hit (3)

2009-06-28T15:50:00.001-07:00

One, two, three, four, five, six /
I break bones with stones and sticks /
Oh my Gah!!!! , I just Kid /
and Jig and maybe act foolish /
It's a no-brainer, somethin like the Wiz /
Drain my main vein on 'em somethin like a whiz... /
Get it? Cuz whiz is like a piss /
And I'd rather be pissed off than piss on a chick... /
Kinda sick... and disturbing.... /
But I don't think that R. Kelly heard me... /
That why he hired Jason Vorhees /
But Jason came in my room and tried to destroy me /
But... all he really did was annoy me /
So I pretended he was a slave and hung him from my tree... /
Now Chuckie mad because they were friends /
he tried to rush me and stab me with a ball point pen /
He jumped at me, but his face hit my shin /
He stumbled backwards dropping three dollars in yen /
Random...but whatever, it's cheddar /
I scooped up the guap and asked for more mozzarella /
Chuckie grabbed a twig or a stick or some ish that looked /
like a stick and starting swinging and cryin like a chick /
I was like... "WTF. really? Are you kidding?" /
He was like "Hee-yah!" and proceeded to twig me /
He took a step forward but I had my room rigged, see /
Suddenly his foot caught and he sank down to his knee /
and then I PUNTED him out wide right...like Jay Feely...

S.M.H. How do you miss three game-winning field goals...when all you get paid to do is KICK? lol...

Done.

King Eljay

Quick Hit (2)

2009-06-27T02:28:00.000-07:00

I do this sometimes, it eases my mind /
to rip and flip lines and make them all rhyme /
I know things always work out in due time /
Regardless of my situation it seems I'm prime for /
failing or f**kin' up... it's just my luck... /
4:30 in the morning and I'm still up.../
Because I can't sleep... because it doesn't matter /
how many times I try to find peace, it escapes me /
Why can't it be... maybe because I keep /
putting my emotions out for others to scorn me... /
...but I don't know how else to be... /
Except honest, the quality defines me... /
In everything that I say and everything I do... /
In everything that I pray before I eat my food... /
In everything that I write to relieve stress... /
In everything, I can still see how I'm blessed.../
But yet...the emptiness is still there /
I look around for my friends, are they still there? /
It seems like sometimes, no one cares... /
And now emotions take over my mind, I swear /
I'm gettin teary-eyed as I f**kin write this /
4:35 and I'm pissed 'bout some old s**t /
I should be sleep, but for some reason I can't /
Body's tired, but my minds racing with this rant /
And I wanna call my friends up and tell them that I'm /
distraught and mindf**ked but I really don't know what /
to say, or even how to try to relay it /
or even know how the hell they would take it... /
...So I keep it in... it becomes my pain... /
But yet I encourage my friends not to do the same... /
I feel like a hypocrite, but to be completely honest /
there's not a person I'd trust right now to endure my summer rain /
So f**k it, I just tuck it inside and conceal it /
and if someone really cares, maybe then I'll reveal it.../

....How sad is it that when my problems don't end /
I chose to run to a blog, instead of calling a friend...

..............

...It's 4:50 in the morning, and for some reason my pillow's wet after writing this....

...not a good look...

Later.

LJ

I Know Two Friends... (Part Two)

2009-06-18T21:00:00.000-07:00

Part one is here: click ME.

Because I couldn't just leave it alone... whats WRONG with me??!? LOL...sarcasm... here you go...
~~~

It's crazy how it happened. I almost went to snappin' /
and spazzin' but i decided to do some relaxin' /
That whole situation just had me tired /
It was affecting work, it almost got me fired /
It was the same situation all over again /
Friend A was crying because she didn't have friends /
And her problems for her was too much to take /
But the people who wanted to be there, she'd alienate /

Friend B was a stark contrast, she handled her /
problems on her own, she knew how to get past /
the issues in her life, ironic because she relied on Christ /
And she kept Him Head of her life /
So to me it made sense why they split ways /
Friend A was suicidal, B just gave God praise /
And I see how all of this can affect me /
But because of my stress all I could do was just grieve /
because I was still stuck with this STUPID A / (lol...did I get away with that one?)
And she wouldn't let me in her life in any way /
Well...in anyway that's significant /
But yet she's saying our friendship is heavensent? /

All she does is text me when she's lonely /
depressed, then when she's happy she's phony /
I guess...it's weird because she's never happy lately /
And her depression weighed me down, like it wanted to break me /
And she's sitting there like "Don't let it take me /
"Throw your rope, come over here and just save me" /
...But her actions discouraged my faith, see? /
So I cut her off, haven't heard from her lately/
And it sucked because of the intricate history /
of how we met but I know this isn't meant to be /
The complexity was what was keeping me /
In the situation at first, but i had to be free /
And as soon as I realized this ironically /
Something happened and in came Friend C...

Really....

So now instead of two friends, I know three /
And that way this happened was so crazy /
And friend C helped to lift the stress off me /
The funny thing is, she wasn't even trying... /
So now Friend C becomes Option A /
because whenever I'm around C, she wants me to stay /
And Friend Letter A is not an option to me /
As a matter of fact, she just swapped letters with Friend C / (lol)
Unfortunate for her that she fell to C /
Especially of how easy I had fell for "she" /
And how easily it was for her to mislead /
my emotions, so I guess it's safe to say she failed ME... /

So A is on top, B's always been a good friend /
But C's in danger from never seeing me again... /
But even still, I acknowledge C as a friend /
But she needs to get it together before I tell her to begin again...

....with a new friend...because I'm no longer in... And that's the real deal, I hope you read this line again.

Later. Shout out to the new A and the consistent B that can C what I mean...

K1ng Eljay

www.twitter.com/KingEljay
K1ngEljay.com

So Original...

2009-06-07T09:37:00.000-07:00

Yay for videos... lol...

King Eljay

"Cigarettes"

2009-06-07T00:00:00.000-07:00

I just like dope lyrics. This song makes too much sense, considering lately I've been waging WAR against dumbed down rap music. Fort Minor decided to take a sarcastic spin to it that makes more sense to people than they'll willingly admit.Check it out...

Fort Minor - "Cigarettes" (YOUTUBE THIS. TRUST ME)

Man I love this rap game, mainly cuz its cool /
To add a little spice to the life you've been through /
Everyone exaggerates a tiny little bit /
Make that s**t sound more gangsta than it really is /
You can't appear weak man "We wanna hear street" /
"We wanna hear you spit your thug over this here beat" /
Don't take it as sarcastic, I can't get enough /
I'm telling you, You can call my bluff If it's not rough /
Then I really don't need it...I'm not even ashamed /
I got too much reality that's filling up my brain /
So sell me on that product, I'm addicted to the game /
Suck it up like a cigarette, light it up man...

It's just like a cigarette, it's something that I do /
Once in a while, but between me and you /
It's just like a cigarette, nobody's really fooled /
I dont want the truth, I wanna feel f**kin' cool /

Let me tell you something that I realized tonight /
My hip hop radio's like Marlboro Light /
They're both selling stories and they sound about the same /
Cigarettes say they're safe, rappers claim they really bang /
We don't care if it's true when we lay the money down /
We don't believe the words, we just love the way they sound /
They're acting like we're idiots, they're lying to our face /
Maybe we are idiots, we buy it anyway / (CHURCH)
I'm runnin' out to get the next rapper's CD /
Just suckin' up the guns, drugs, and misogyny /
The same way that I suck up all the stories /
When I breathe that little bit of death supposedly cancer-free /
and Everything they say got the truth twisted up /
But twisted up's what I want man, I can't get enough /
Cuz even though we know it's all just a big bluff /
We just light another up, what, We don't give a f**k!!!

It's just like a cigarette, it's something that I do /
Once in a while but between me and you /
It's just like a cigarette, nobody's really fooled /
I don't want the truth, I wanna feel f**king cool...
________________________________________

My Response...

Called me out, Ok fine, been there,done that /
Sometimes I like the ignorant gunclaps /
That echo through my speakers...but only if the kicks, claps /
and the bass make it knock, i'll tolerate the dumb raps... /
How sad is that? Words can't describe...
How dumb I feel whenever I look in my mother's eye /
And when she asks me what have I been listening to /
I have to change subjects in order to avoid a lie... /

Hmm...

I'll finish my response later...don't let me forget... Good night...

King Eljay

Frontin...

2009-06-02T00:12:00.000-07:00

Something I wrote just getting into character bored at work today... or is it? Hmmm.... lol...

I love playin with people's heads...haha...

~~~

"Frontin"

How can I defend your honor when I can't defend myself /
How can I save you from drownin', when I can't swim myself /
The stress is official, all's missing is the Ref /
But You're so superficial...I can't even kid myself /
Unfortunately, we are addicts for actin' savage /
We down each other, apologize, and then get right back at it /
So desperate for friendship, but treat each other bad, it's /
so sad to see that you might lose the one you could've had... /

It's weird... I don't know how else to explain it /
I say something and you twist it as if it's a new language /
and you don't see how much it grieves me and gives me pain, but /
I learned through God I can do all things so I maintain /
and it just racks my brain...to be wondering about /
your ins and outs with other people, it drives me short of insane /
and then you say something to make me spazz and I have to relax /
before I relapse and curse you out and I don't NEED THAT /
extra-curricular activity workin in my life /
I'm too bust trying to focus on NOT feeding into the strife /
But then you say that you're depressed...oh...is that right ? /
But you say you're a Christian, so you can't be if you depend on Christ... /

Right? I mean, that's what you said... /
Or was that a lie to just try to get into my head? /

Nah...this can't be right, like Jay-Z and Siegel, this can't be life /
That's why I write to differentiate between what's wrong and what's right /
and so the more I write I wonder if you're really alright /
in the head or are you frontin' to make it SEEM LIKE...

Well, I'm not the one to say it, but unless you figure how to break /
out of your lies, it seems that you're destined for heartbreak /
I don't really know how else I can tell her /
That the goal is not to let it make you BITTER, but BETTER /
But one man's trash is the next man's treasure /
Not sayin' we're trash, but we need to get it together...

Later.

King Eljay
Twitter.com/kingeljay
K1ngeljay.com

Quick Hit (1)

2009-06-02T00:04:00.001-07:00

No topic, just random...or is it? lol...

Birds fly in groups, eagles fly alone /
That's why no one relates whenever I'm in my zone /
They just say "Keep goin," they love the creative flowin' /
Plus I'm anointed to do it, that's why I have a throne /
And only I was appointed to just sit on it /
But people are "Oscar the Grouch" type haters, so put a lid on it /
It's weird, don't it... seem that people are nowadays /
Judged by the monetary green in their jeans /
or the tools that's concealed as a means of survival /
Or the space in the trunk to reveal all their rifles /
The proof that I'm different from other thug's idols? /
My means of survival are scriptures from the Bible... /

Not to get Biblical or anything...just saying...

Later.

"Who Am I..."

2009-05-30T00:30:00.000-07:00

Lol, this one's just me being fun... once again....this is filled with subliminals... love this CRAP!!! LOL...

by the way...I definitely accidentally posted this on Charles Hamilton's blog instead of here...haha... I corrected it... and so we begin...

~~~

We might have similar traits, but I'm not like you /
Might even have similar taste, but I don't like you /
You ask me who I am, but I dont have to /
Answer to the likes of you..../
But since you asked... I guess I can spill /
I'm cool, I'm calm, I'm hype, I'm chill /
For real, I point out fakes while keepin it real /
Lay hands on lames in case they don't feel / (lol)
I spit hot fire, I'm live, off the wire /
Make people dream they scream Falsetto like Mariah /
I'm old school Pretty Ricky, cuz I bring readers Pleasure / (no homo)
A Boss like Ross, a joker like Heath Ledger /
I'm hyphy like Rick Rock, prayin harder than Tupac /
When he came out the fight and got rocked by those few shots /
I'm in love with hip-hop, You prefer hip-pop /
I care about my lyrics, I'm everything you're not...

But of course you want more.../
No worries, I have more in store... /

I am... the Christian, the higher standard to livin' /
The exception to people that are stuck in their condition /
The lame slapper, the "Give homies dap"per /
The angry note writer, New Era mad hatter /
The new phone buyer, the musical supplier /
The Alabama resident that rolls like a tire /
The Sidekick tosser, one of Panera Bread's Bosses /
The distributor of pain, the bearer of friend's crosses /
The music critic, the Chronicler of Riddick /
The first dude to flow, but the last dude to spit it / (get it?)
The Dodge Ram Rider, I'm nice just to spite you /
The only one to call when your "friend" is bein' spiteful.. /
The mean mugger, that "Stupid muuhf---er" / (thats a quote, not me cursing, lol)
That dude in the blue hoodie that's always in trouble /
The Xbox Liver, the Street Fighter 4 Rival /
The first person to pull a quote from the Bible... /

The HDTV you can't see clearly /
So it would make sense for you to not understand....clearly... /

A little more...

I'm Mr. "Yo kick a cypher right here in McDonalds" /
Mr. "I hope to GOD you didn't learn that from ya mama" /
Mr. "Chief Slap-A-Ho"....that's a joke if you didn't know /
Mr. "This is MY spot, and whatever I say, go" /
Mr. "Don't throw it at me girl! Can I work for it?" /
Mr. "Don't show it to me girl...can I work for it??" / (shaking my head at the truth to this...)
...Mr. "Get Wild on Aim Freestyles with Rhymestyle" /
Mr. "Air you out on Facebook with a mean smile" / (joke...kind of)
Mr. "Rhymefest don't want nothin' to do with me" /
Mr. "Dang, you got called WHAT by B.E.P.?" / (long story...lol)
Mr. G1 note writer, music information provider /
Mr. Random punchline writer and beat rider /
Mr. "X a friend out and add it to my tally" /
Mr. "Rather be in an alley homeless than with ______" / (...Still praying I can get right on this)
Mr. "I shouldn't of said that", Mr. Originality /
Mr. "I just want a friend in all actuality..." /

But gradually, I come to realize that actually... /
I've casually embraced who I am in a way that's creative...see? /
But its just me, writing, because I don't know what else to do man... /
Because you read through all of this and still don't see me as human...

Or was I wrong?

King Eljay

(P.S. I hate the rhyme in the last line... as you can tell my energy was on the decline...)

(P.S.S. I'm aware I rhymed in the first P.S., oh yes..., lol)

So Original...

2009-05-29T17:13:00.000-07:00

Before I post this one, I just wanted to say that I have a black journal which I've been writing in heavy, and only in rhyme. It's weird, because seriously, I only can write in it in rhyme. I've tried to not rhyme...and it hasn't worked. LOL. I wrote this one last night at about 3 AM in the morning...

....catch the Eminem plug? haha...

~~~

Thank God for rap right now, it's so original /
People all sayin' stuff that you've never heard before /
No one makes real raps, some people already tried /
But it seems the truth to rap is wrapped up in a bunch of lies /
It's so original, people step into a booth /
Rap about some movie and people acknowledge them as truth /
No one ever thinks to check to see if there is any proof /
about a rapper who says they have 45 guns to shoot... /

And if you're intelligent with ya' flow a little bit /
Music execs will tell you to dumb it down when you spit /
"The people won't like that", "Slur a little in your rap!" /
"Cock ya hat to the back," "Ask 'Where Dey Do Dat At???' /
"The idea is profitable, can you do that on a track? /
"Consequences from lies? Nah, the label's got your back" /
And with a quick single and a dance, another star is born /
unknowing that his lies are what the kids come up on /
Add it to their lifestyles, ringtone for their cameraphone /
And then another kid dies tryin to live lyrics from a song /
And now that kid's parents mourn, but HEY, this is nothing new /
The country's overpopulated, what else should the children do? /

Hmm....

Not to mention people think hip-hop and rap's the same thing /
More of a nightmare than a dream, this just makes me want to scream/
They rap about the same thing, fresh clothes, icy Bling /
Sexy hoes, chromed wheels, guns that they're firing /
while getting brain ridin' in whips bought from slangin' cocaine /
Is it me or are they really NOT SAYING ANYTHING?!?!? /

I don't think the lies are great but maybe i just can't relate /
Maybe I'd relate if I got some drugs and moved the weight /
State to state monthly on every 1st and 8th, sounds great /
OR...I can just SAY I do it and never me found as fake /
But me lying to be real makes me fake, which can complicate /
A logic quicker than saying "Astronauts cannot visit space..."/
But anyway, I'm not the dude on the block with a crew /
Sellin' drugs in a school, .22 in my shoe /
I'm focused on being me and Mr. Rapper's just confused /
Not tryin' to clown a fool; why can't he be original??

~~~

Just irritated with rap music right now...it's all the same, but it's getting better thanks to new artists...and of course...Eminem.

Well...that's just my opinion. lol.

King Eljay

I Know Two Friends...

2009-05-28T21:20:00.000-07:00

True Story. No diss.

It's funny how things change.../
The more things change, the more they stay the same /
I knew two friends, they always looked after/
each other, they had each other's backs, but /
Things changed as they stayed the same /
I saw it happening and it messed with my brain /
...But I figured their friendship would easily /
maintain through an excuse that's so lame... /

It really honestly and grieved me to see /
that 18 years of friendship can be killed so easy /
They made friends and enemies green with envy /
because it seemed the friendship was heavensent, see? /
From church camps, bible studies and all that /
to even making up a dumb stupid water rap / {Don't ask. Seriously. I really don't know, lol}
From the trials and tribulations they been through /
You couldn't tell me it would end the way it did, dude... /

But that mistake was B.I.G., so I guess I was "Dead Wrong" /
especially when it came to them admitting they were dead wrong /
I guess it's not really a surprise, surprise /
that they would brush the truth away and believe the lies /
For them, it just makes the situation harder to see /
Harder for them to issue an apology /
Which makes it that much harder for me /
Because of piss-poor timing I'm caught in-between /
No Donnell Jones, this ain't "Where I Wanna Be" /
Stuck between ex-besties embroiled in beef... /

One of them overreacts and internalizes /
Everything, so stressful for me /
The other one was just fed up with the situation /
And ended conversation for her own relaxation /
I mean...of course, there's more to it than it seems /
but to think I held their friendship to such a high-esteem /
And to see this little beef somehow came in-between? /
....It's more of a nightmare than a dream.../

They were glued together, matched perfect so it seemed /
But suddenly a situation ripped it apart by the seams /
To the point where it seemed that friend letter "B" /
Doesn't want anything to do, speak, or say/
to Friend Letter "A", shame it happened this way /
Cuz now Friend Letter "A" wants the pain to go away /
But doesn't realize that her attitude's the reason /
She's losing all of her closest friends this season /
But meanwhile Friend Letter "B" is just breezin' /
Everything's gravy, she's living stress free, and /
I'm sitting here thinkin', like "I can't believe it. /
I'm stuck in this B.S. and it's not relievin' /
itself", so now I feel like I'm under-achievin' /
Allowing myself to be so deceived, and------ /

...Well....not deceived, more like "suckered in" /
Because the cycle loops around again, and it never ends /
A" and "B" don't "C" how close I am to approaching both of them /
And saying "I knew two friends, but I'd rather be alone again. /
I'm sick of the way you both are overreacting /
As far as friendships go, I've got a mind to send you packing..." /
Then I stop and think and wonder...see.... /
"What if I had a friend that did that to me?" /

So unfortunately, I still know two friends... /
I hope they have a new beginning before my time with them ends... /
Ironically, as time changes things remain the same /
They both just text me about each other, so it begins again...

~~~

True Story. No diss. Just how I'm feeling...

If Ms. A or Ms. B reads this...

My feelings on the situation has altered. I don't care as much as the poem insinuates I do. Sad... but I can't let what y'all do stress me out. I refuse to let what happened dictate where I'm going.

I think that's good for tonight? lol...

King Eljay

http://K1ngEljay.com
http://www.twitter.com/kingeljay
http://hiphopstateofmind.com

INTERJECTION

2009-05-28T21:13:00.000-07:00

Ok, no poetry, let me just say this...

I reallllllly don't like the word "poetry" for some reason. I can't stand it. So when people ask me if I write poetry, I'm like, "NO.... I write spoken word."

Lol...

Anyway, just saying that if you read the poems out loud it has more of a flow to them than you think. Usually.

Technically, "fact" and "black" don't rhyme, but when you're reading it in rhythm, it makes sense and it flows together...

I guess I'm just saying dont be a critic. lol. Just read it for what it is.

And check the other normal sites if you'd like.

http://K1ngEljay.com
http://www.twitter.com/kingeljay
http://hiphopstateofmind.com (haven't updated there in a while though, sorry...)

More in a few.

King Eljay

The Difference...

2009-05-28T21:00:00.000-07:00

(Wrote this a while back, did a Facebook video for it and everything, lol... Just decided to go ahead and post this here)

I don't know, but suddenly I feel ruthless /
Maybe it's because of my selection of music /
Maybe it's because most people act clueless /
The cluelessness leads me to treat them like a nuisance /
Maybe it's 'cuz they chase dollars, cents /
...but if they chase money, it's obvious they have no sense.. /
Or cents, they sound retarded when they talk /
So I just give them a penny, but they can keep the thought... /
My thought process is uniquely different /
That's why it reflects in my written lyrics /
Honestly, I just write whatever's in my spirit /
for my personal reflection, I don't mind if you hear it /
But don't think I'm "Crazy" on the Britney Spears tip /
More like T.I. and Tip, sometimes conflicted /
But between them and me, there's one big difference /
I cast cares to God because I know He listens...

~~~

Old, but still in that spot right now. More later...

King Eljay

Introduction

2009-05-28T00:25:00.001-07:00

Welcome one, welcome all to what I'd like to say /
is hopefully a nice detour or distraction from your day /
I guess now would be a good time to relay /
What it is exactly I'm planning to accomplish...ok? /

One of my favorite things to do is write, by all means /
But I noticed sometimes it comes out in rhyme schemes /
So I figured why not dedicate a blog to my randomness /
At the very least it'll help me to relieve my stress /
It always feels better when I write to get things off my chest /
Especially when girls are tryna show me what's under their dress /
And dudes ridicule me because I don't look for that mess /
And then they start to hate because they can't relate to me unless /
We talkin' bout sports or a subject in school /
Or how some lame rapper actually thinks he's cool /
Or how another lame is really lookin like a fool /
And even then, from the conversation, myself I excuse...

See, here's the difference between me and fools /
I give my respect to others when it's due /
But fools equate respect to the zeros in a check /
So if they lack respect, I plan to respectfully disrespect them... cool?/

See, life is like a movie to me, or so it seems/
I guess that's why this blog has a corny movie theme? /

Lol...

But let me chill, this is just the introduction /
I'll take my time with this one, I don't plan on rushin' /
Into things, I'm gonna just wait until the next scene /
To get into my Origins, similar to Wolverine.../
And that's just something to get me in the swing of things /
I got more web pages than Peter Parker...if you know what I mean...

Enjoy the blog. I plan to update this when I feel like it. It might even be accompanied by video sometimes...we'll see....

Nothing too deep yet. Just something off the top of my head.... More later?

King Eljay
___
http://K1ngEljay.com
http://www.twitter.com/KingEljay