I really don’t know how to feel… / Skeptics say I’ve forgotten how to feel… / Friends say that I don’t act real… / To be honest, I feel like a 3rd wheel… / Or 5th, or 7th, whatever… Or any other phrase that seems clever… / I guess I just have it in my mind over / Time that eventually things will get better… / I’m mad that I even wrote that.. / Because right now, it’s just hard to hope that.. / I literally spill all of my emotions into a / Pad with a pen, I sometimes wish that it wrote back… /
So I listen to music, and just black / Out for a while, just to get my mind on track / Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t… / Sometimes I wonder why exactly I wasn’t… / But I was, and I am, and I’m still here / So it’s obvious to see that I have a purpose / I’m not saying that I don’t have fears / There’s a few, but I’m more inspired by why I’m on this Earth’s surface… / Around people who think that they’re worthless / Putting all their hope in me, as if I’m their golden key / …to a better life… they want me to reach millions / And I just want to find me a better life… /
But I can’t see ahead, it’s the dead of night… / I’ve been this route before, so I know it isn’t right…/ But I need motivation to find my light…/ And there is yet another reason why I write…/ Because for me my obstacles aren’t a test, more or less… / Man, my biggest enemy is my reflection…/ So I’m asking for help to deal with me, and for / God to weed out my friends, I can handle my enemies… / Stop me if you’re not feeling me, but / Something that I’ve never ever claimed to be was a G / So I’m back to relying on HE, because I / See that I can’t last without G.O.D.
I remember being the guy that no one said hi to / Now I'm the same guy that girls don't wanna say bye to / They give me a number to call or text, then they / Hit me online sayin "They don't like to get lied to" / But that they forgive me, and that I should slide through / but read between the lines and you can actually see she means / she wants me to come over to slide into... Not gonna finish that, that's not what I aim to do / I'm aiming to stay cool, that's not what you wanna do / You want me to come through 'cuz I'm what you wanna do / (haha) I'm WHO you wanna do, I'm not the dumbest fool / The legs are spread, those I don't wanna get into / Now she's callin' me names so she can mess with my brain / ...That had a double meaning, in case it ain't come through / (LOL) Saying I'm a chicken ignoring the game she's spittin' but if / I'm a chicken, she's a bird, so I guess I just flew the coop / I guess in short, the flirting's sort of a sport, but / this is my last resort to try to get through to you.
"I used to give a f**k, now I could give a f**k less / What do I think of success, it sucks, too much press, I'm stressed.."
(go to the 0:48 second mark. The flow from there to the minute mark..that's what I'm talking about. He curses, warning. LOL)
Well...That line was stuck in my head. The pattern of it was... I followed my train of thought, so most of this poem has the same rhyme pattern of that... Anyway, it's random, but here you go...
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Train Of Thought
I used to really care... now I could give a care less / What do I think of stress? It sucks, too much, yes / Ramble in my head, overwhelms my damn chest / To the point I can't rest, it makes me upset / Parents always tell me that soon, I'll be blessed / My response: "You can't bless me with what you don't get" / I never voice my thoughts, it'll just add stress / I'm completely tired of this, I just want rest...
I used to not care...now I care too much / I recount each touch, each kiss, this just sucks / I'm stuck in this rut, i'm spilling my guts / And I think it sucks you don't give two f**ks / I love you so much,, you don't even care what / happens to us, see, you want to give up / Girl I've never slipped up, lied, or fibbed up / Nothing else matters to me baby, just us...
I used to give a damn, now I just feel damned / All my emotions are jammed, emotions are slammed / into my main frame, like I'm going insane / Out of my brain, in there, everything's rammed / What else should I do? I feel so confused / I dont know what to do, I feel so used / Emotions abused, left here with no clues / of how in my mind I can somehow just regroup...
I'm used to being spited, now I'm just being spiteful / About to catch a damn case, where'd my .38 go? / My family told me I should be grateful / Because I'm gonna be great, but what am I going to be great for? / I consider life sometimes to be a big race / I'm enjoying the journey, others complete for first place / But it's to the point no one cares about what I say / So I'm gonna pull out this here and let the lead spray...
As I read these lines, that I write in rhyme / I do this all the time, on job, or on the grind / It seems all the time, this goes through my mind / To others around, it seems i'm just fine / Others try to relax, they sip on white wine / to hide their pain, but deep down they're just crying / I don't hide my thoughts, I write to clear my / mind of the excess stress in order for me to rest....
I get to the point... where I'm just pissed off / People got me ass-backwards, like I'm Kris-Kross / I express emotions that get deeper than oceans / But hater's play Free Safety, so my thoughts get picked off / Can't read my emotions...no they never cross / my face, I'm a silent timer, you can't tell when I'm / ticked off, until it's too late to vacate the place / Yet another reason to write, I have to stay straight...
Man... What a stressful day... / The type to have a Christian boy contemplating gunplay / But instead he pulls out the pen and pad / ...He'll choose wordplay over gunplay / on any given week, from Monday to Sunday / He may jig and kid around but working wise / He doesn't play, his ideas more Giant than Andre / Some people say that he has a crazy mindstate / because he goes thru mental cycles, like his mind menstruates... / (haha) He's ahead of his time, but his mind never inflates / with pride, he's seen the results with his eyes / of how great men and women with pride have died... / So he movies silently, in complete confidence / that soonpeople will stare at his life in astonishment / And soon thereafter, they'll see the accomplishments / to the point when they say that I'm crazy, it's a compliment...
But this isn't something that's taught / It's just one of those times I've followed my train of thought...
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Yo, favorite line: "Some people say that he has a crazy mindstate / because he goes thru mental cycles, like his mind menstruates... /
Ok, so I'm kind of feeling myself on that line, lol. But it's dope, so yeah.
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