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Tuesday, July 21, 2009
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My Mistake
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Kind of jumpin' between two different scenarios I'm in right now...
Forgive me if I fall to the folly of screamin' "F**K YOU" /
It's basically because I can't bring my brain to trust you /
On everything I want to take my fist and just bust you /
Upside your head until my adrenaline rush is through /
But see, it's not like my problems would affect you /
I know that situations happen in life to test you /
But yet you- wait... I mean I... But yet I /
seem to always end up fighting by myself..why... /
Somebody told me it's because I blaze trails like Portland /
and because my ideas are dope, hella scorchin' /
And because of that some people will take me the wrong way /
And just choose not to acknowledge me and stay outta my way /
And to that I say "They're idiots" and keep moving right along /
But then I stop and look...maybe I got them shook... /
Maybe she was right and maybe I need to sell out /
Go with the flow, ignore my morals and just mellow out /
But see...that's the difference between me and you /
You'll do anything to be accepted by a crew /
You'll wear any jeans, any ring, anything /
And it's crazy to me, because you don't see like I do /
And you're so, so focused on trying to get with them /
To the point you ignore me trying to get with you /
But I guess I'm not important, I'm kind of used to it /
And somehow I'll feel like its my fault, I blew it...
But screw it, as long as I got a friend then I'm cool /
But even my friends turn and make me look like a fool /
So now I'm wondering if I have a friend at all /
Because it's stupid that when I'm stressed, I never get a call /
or give a call, I literally scroll through my call log /
Trying to see through the tears that block my vision like low fog /
And just when I go to send a message and hit you up /
I get another message from someone else who needs cheering up...
And like a fool, I put my s**t on the backburner... /
Emotionally abused, physically used like Ike and Tina Turner...
So FORGIVE ME when I have no one else to turn to /
'cuz you're my last hope, I have no one else to turn to /
And I send you a text, cuz there's no one else to turn to /
Then I call your phone, cuz I have no one else to turn to /
and then I call again, because I have no one to run to /
but you're with other friends, because you like to have fun too /
And I can't even blame you for that, but it's just kinda sh*tty /
That when I'm sad, you're ghost, you're only around me when I'm witty /
Sarcastic and funny, energetic, extremely silly /
And even sometimes in situations maybe a little gritty /
So how does this work again?...No seriously.... /
Because I thought it worked both ways when you call a friend...
But forgive me, I'm probably trippin /
It's probably my fault that YOUR *SS is slippin /
And its crazy how whenever I try to tell you not to trip /
Because somehow, some way you always flip the script /
and say that I'm the one that's wrong... /
...I hear that more times than a radio song... /
And then afterwarrds, you expect me to spill me heart? /
Not to be rude, but you've got me twisted from the start...
Because I don't want a crew, I just want a friend that's true /
And I'm not exactly sure if one is in my life right now /
It's kind of sad right? It makes me mad to write /
But I had to express how I felt before I sleep tonight...
But my mistake for bothering to tell this to you.../
I doubt you'll read this even if I emailed this to you...
~~~
Just in case you missed it, read the first line for clarity. I'm not exactly in a GREAT mood right now... forgive the language...when I'm upset, the language in my head carries over to when I write.
lol, that's how you KNOW somebody's angry, when they're texting/blogging swear words, haha...
I can go to bed now. Night. |
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posted by Secret.
11:59 PM
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Thursday, July 9, 2009
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In A Perfect World
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Get to it. lol.
~~~
In a perfect world, there's no violence /
No need to distribute moments of silence /
It's my alternate reality so gradually I'll see/
that people are easy to read like Reader's Digest.. /
.....Actually I guess /
that everyone would tell truths, no need to lie (yes) /
No need to spit profane thangs from our vocal /
veins that twist up minds and cause high stress /
All colors are equal, no one hates pink / (lol, i do, but still)
We're all one, everybody's in sync /
Relationship-wise, no one gets "Gone" like NSYNC* /
And we express love, we don't eave it up for you to think /
That maybe he don't, and maybe she won't /
And when we splurge we share the wealth instead of flaunt /
And our families don't need for anything they want /
Haha... it sounds great in my mind... /
Looks good as it translates to these lines /
Sounds even better cuz it flows as a rhyme...
But some'll say I'm a Busta because of my Rhymes / (get it? Busta Rhymes? whoooo. lol)
Sounds unrealistic because nature's animalistic /
The way of nature.... my thoughts, it doesn't fit this /
way of living that I sometimes envision /
It's funny, everything good? We're twisted and /
wonder sometimes why God doesn't listen /
thru the crying, the sorrow, the sickness /
Tears stream, leaves pretty faces glistenin...
...But nah, you want some of that sick spit /
The "chrome to ya dome", "bacon poppin" greasy slick spit /
That "Mac-11 send him to heaven" crazy talk /
That "44 to the legs to make him do his birdwalk" /
That "Sniper shooter shootin for loot" to bob ya head /
That "leave a dude crappin his pants in fear," that "Stanky Legg" /
But see it dawned on me the reason we could never be /
equal and together free from the mental debauchery /
Seems like people have taken a poor environment /
And turned it to a mindstate, forgetting it's just a place /
Some people escape, but then they hang on to it... /
Old connects in the hood, yeah they hang on to it... /
You know...just in case things flip /
Then old friends snitch, and you get screwed over like Mike Vick /
It's sick the way everything good gets twisted /
People think life's a Ferris Wheel, the way our minds spins it /
I guess me thinking aloud made me realize that there's /
no such thing as a perfect world, right now it doesn't exist /
Because I notice that our mindstate's conflict /
I'm about intellingence and yours promote ignorance /
Mine is more heavensent and yours is just beligerant /
I'm focused on "BIG PICTURE" and you're stuck on "pettiness" /
Can't agree to disagree because of your stupidness /
In a perfect world I wouldn't have to deal with this foolishness /
And what's sad is that this "hood mentality's" reality /
And now it's magnified for the masses thanks to Cops and BET /
And I no longer care if everybody gets mad at me, but /
In a perfect world, we shouldn't have to deal with insanity...
...I could easily keep going but it'll only make me madder to see that /
because of us a perfect world is something we'll never acheive... /
...Unless...
We can do better. And we can do way better.
Later.
King Eljay
Twitter
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posted by Secret.
11:21 PM
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Where I Want To Be...
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Feeling really...really bad right now, so I wrote this about 5 minutes ago. Wasn't going to post it, but the I remembered...I HAVE A BLOG FOR THIS TYPE OF STUFF!!!
LOL.
Notice: I said the word "damn" in this poem. But that's how I felt when I wrote it (now) 7 minutes ago.
~~~
I elevate my mindstate, so that’s why I grind great /
But sometimes I honestly can’t tell the vine from the grape /
Meaning that my vision’s cloudy, and all of the people ‘round me /
Don’t seem to help me with the problems I try to escape /
I know I have to deal with the issues around me /
But dealing with them makes it feel like issues surround me /
And then they overwhelm me, the issues are drowning /
me with the stress, the silent killer goes to town, see? /
I hold the problems in while I’m at work getting it in, /
Grinding to make ends, hoping that I meet new friends /
That I can begin to get to know and maybe meet the one /
That can help me more than any other of my friends /
I rhymed friends with friends, that’s how I feel though /
I’m different from others, so sometimes I feel like a weirdo /
But not to the point that I’ll change who I am /
Because in all honesty, I could give a damn...
But it’s obvious I give a something… but I don’t really know /
It’s obvious I feel something… but I don’t really know /
But whatever it is, it’s enough to make me entertain /
The thought of losing my brain and just going insane /
Having a couple drinks, hanging all night /
Mix some Ciroc with Vodka, mix that with Sprite /
Knock some shots back, have a hell of a time /
In the morning, I’m good, issues off of my mind /
….nah….never that, I know better /
But me knowing the truth makes it harder so It’s whatever...
I wish to go left sometimes instead of doing right /
But so many people watch me to the point that in spite /
Of everything I’ve learned, I want to trash it all /
But vision is always darker when your back's to the light /
And you can’t see where you’re going if you turn your back /
And before long, you’re completely off track /
Your friends you tried to mesh with no longer have your back /
And then you realize that you’ve fallen into a trap /
And now you’re screaming for God to take you back...
And in all honesty, He really doesn’t have to /
So if I fall and He left me, I’d understand... /
But He won’t leave me, so I won’t leave Him /
And I pray that eventually I can see Him /
So I hope people see in me who I want to see /
And maybe soon, that’ll attract those people to me /
Because I pray the God in me brings the friends I need /
And puts me in the position of where I want to be… |
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posted by Secret.
11:00 PM
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